Build Better Boundaries To Beat Autoimmune

The Perils of Leaky Boundaries

Growing up, I was praised for my achievements—getting good grades, taking on leadership roles, and excelling in everything from sports to science fairs. My parents were loving but heavily invested in my success. When I didn’t measure up to peers like Suzie with her better book report or Steven with his superior mousetrap, I felt judged and believed my worth had diminished. This led me to double down on my efforts, desperately seeking the validation and love I craved.

This pattern set the stage for my people-pleasing tendencies and habit of overcommitting. Looking back, it’s no surprise that I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) at 19 and remained trapped in an autoimmune cycle for over two decades. By 2005, I was overwhelmed: serving as VP of Sales for a growing business, sitting on nonprofit boards, caring for my aging parents who were a plane ride away, all while battling awful MS symptoms. A close friend pointed out that I was like a leaky bathtub in need of filling up. Taking her advice to heart, I began reassessing my core beliefs and building better boundaries, gradually shedding excessive commitments and right-sizing my responsibilities.

By 2010, I had overcome MS. Through this journey, I’ve learned that true healing requires a deep reckoning with my core values and a steadfast reinforcement of personal boundaries.

Leaky Boundaries Beyond Leaky Gut

The idea of “leaky boundaries” goes beyond just physical health; it touches on our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Just as a compromised gut barrier can lead to autoimmune disorders, having porous personal boundaries can cause stress and imbalance, which take a toll on our health.

In his groundbreaking book, When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté explores the deep connection between suppressed emotions and chronic illnesses, including autoimmune diseases. He emphasizes that when we ignore our personal needs and fail to set healthy boundaries, it leads to chronic stress, which weakens the immune system and makes us more susceptible to autoimmune conditions.

This insight helps explain why women make up nearly 80% of autoimmune disease cases. Dr. Maté suggests that societal pressures often push women to prioritize others’ needs over their own, leading to self-silencing or self-sabotaging behaviors. This constant suppression of personal needs and emotions increases stress levels, raising the risk of autoimmune disorders.

The Link Between Leaky Boundaries and Autoimmune Disorders

Increased intestinal permeability, commonly referred to as “leaky gut,” allows harmful substances to pass into the bloodstream, triggering immune responses that can lead to autoimmune diseases. Research has shown that a leaky gut is the primary pathway to the development of autoimmunity; and that conversely, reestablishing the gut barrier is essential for healing.

Similarly, when we fail to establish healthy personal boundaries, we may experience chronic stress, emotional fatigue, and a sense of powerlessness. This constant state of stress can dysregulate both the nervous system and immune system, increasing susceptibility to autoimmune conditions.

Examples of Leaky Personal Boundaries

Saying “yes” when we mean “no”: This can lead to feelings of resentment and overwhelm, as we take on more than we can handle.

Overcommitting: Taking on excessive responsibilities can result in burnout, weakening our immune defenses.

Neglecting personal needs: Consistently prioritizing others over ourselves can deplete our physical and emotional reserves.

Accepting unsolicited advice: Allowing others to dictate our choices can erode self-trust and autonomy.

Failing to advocate for ourselves: Not expressing our needs or desires can lead to internalized stress.

Seeking external validation: Relying on others for approval can disconnect us from our inner guidance, causing anxiety and perpetuating internal stress.

Strengthening Boundaries for Healing

Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for overall well-being. Here are steps to reinforce your personal boundaries:

Self-awareness: Reflect on areas where you feel overextended or uncomfortable.

Clear communication: Express your needs and limits assertively — that is clealy and kindly — to others.

Prioritize self-care: Allocate time for activities that rejuvenate and fulfill you. Self-care is not selfish, it’s essential for healing and optimizing health.

Learn to say “no”: Decline requests that do not align with your capacity or values.

Seek support: Engage with a therapist or support group to navigate boundary-setting challenges.

Which Boundary Will You Strengthen?

By fortifying our personal boundaries, we create a protective environment that reduces stress and supports our nervous system and immune function, thereby promoting healing and preventing the onset or exacerbation of autoimmune disorders.

There is enormous freedom in getting clear about who you are and what you are willing to accept. Being human, daily life presents multiple opportunities to assess, clarify, and bolster your boundaries. For me, being clear and kind is a gift to myself and others.

Remember, healing is a journey, and strengthening your boundaries is a pivotal step toward achieving optimal health.

Image Credit: Sasha Freemind

P.S: Want my personal help?

If you live in the continental U.S. and are determined and committed to your best health and life, I offer Functional Medicine Total Health Transformation Programs over Zoom. I collaborate with skilled naturopathic doctors (NDs) who are expert in resolving root causes like gut disorders, chronic infections and toxic burdens which are almost always part of the autoimmune puzzle. Together we provide comprehensive, customized treatment plans, and collaborative, caring support. You are welcome to book a 30–minute consultation with me to gain clarity, confidence, and explore the possibility of working together. You can do it. We can help.